we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
