when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
