The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
