guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
