I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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