Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
