Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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