This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize