All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
