"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
