My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
