I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
