I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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