I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
