oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Duck Duck Cougar?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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