happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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