Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
