Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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