Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You took a bar mat shot.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
