this beer tastes like vomit already
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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