Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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