I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
