...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Green mimosas i think yes
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
