if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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