areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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