none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
