She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
