What a fucking waste of an outfit
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
