Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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