About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
