Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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