Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sext me about skeletons
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
