i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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