Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
