how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
