No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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