My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
and she was petting her beer can
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
