She is in my trunk
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
