Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
