Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
