So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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