i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
