i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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