yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
