His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
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