thus making me awesome and them whores
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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