cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
