At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
