i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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