and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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