How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
