wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
