i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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