Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize