Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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