I faked an abortion last night.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
