I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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