I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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