brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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