Kiss
Puke
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
