shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
