Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I am naked and annoyed.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
