I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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