What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
