Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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