Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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