Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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